Ho ho ho.
You all thought the Christmas chatter was over.
But the photos of mine and my housemates’ Christmas dinner have just been developed and so have my thoughts on how to ensure joy over the festive season.
Welcome to this merry little mini series: A Guide to the Ultimate Crustmas.
Here’s what you can expect:
Part One: Dinner (lands today)
how to throw a joyful and abundant Christmas dinner with friends
Part Two: Cake
how to make the perfect Christmas cake and, in doing so, enact a comforting family ritual that will help you cope with the passing of time
Part Three: Party
how to throw the best New Year’s Party on a budget
Part One: Dinner
These days we can expect many more than one occasion of over-indulgence over the Christmas period.
The 25th is now in fierce competition with The Friendsmas, The Office Christmas Party, maybe The Mince Pie and Mulled Wine Evening and, if you’re me, The two subsidiary Family Meals and present exchanges with the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents that we weren’t going to be with on the big day.
This year was the second time that my housemates and I have done a Friendsmas together. Last year was incredibly fun, so we were feeling the pressure.
It lived up. And here’s how we did it:
Step One: A Very Serious Food Planning Meeting
It all started with rubbing off the remains of last year’s planning meeting (below) that had been the steadfast background to our kitchen ever since:
In case it’s not obvious from the image, there were so many dishes we wanted to include that we felt the need to visualise our plates via a diagram that showed the core dishes in the center and the “sides” around the edges so that we could start crossing some off.
The meal ended up being appropriately excessive: a lamb shoulder, potatoes, Anna Jones’ sweetcorn fritters, hummus, baba ghanoush, pickled cucumber with tahini, tzatziki and a green bean salad…
Whilst last year began with an exhilirating Big Shop…
…This year, our meeting began by getting out all of the vegetables that we needed to get through before we all left to go “home home”.
As a result, we didn’t have to buy much and the meal was much more root vegetable heavy (we are now better at eating seasonally) and a bit more traditional (mostly).
Here is our menu:
Step Two: A Very Serious Alcohol Planning Meeting
Something that I can’t help you with is who your friends/ housemates are. Not all of you live with two actors who get sent luxurious consumable Christmas presents by their agents and/or production companies. Lucky for me, last year H and B got sent a magnum of red wine each and this year it was a bottle of champagne! Wahey! (Unluckily for B, who is lactose intolerance, but luckily for the rest of us, he also got sent a very posh box of cheese and crackers)
So, last year we started with gin and tonics and moved on to red wine. This year, going up in the world, we were to start with a glass (or mug) of champagne.
The logical next step would have been wine, but I intervened and suggested that we swapped red wine out for Cosmos. This is because I’ve been doing some copywriting work for a company that sells online courses, which means I’ve been jealously spellchecking a lot of cocktail recipes recently… I’m also sold on the fact that cocktails are always a good idea because they make you incredibly drunk and jolly without getting bloated and sleepy…
In the end, we did both. I think this was because the boys didn’t trust my Cosmo plan. But they were pleasantly surprised.
Cosmos
Vodka - 2 shots
Cointreau - 1 shot
Cranberry juice - 1 shot
Lime juice - ½ shot
(add more cranberry juice/ lime if it tastes too alcohol-y)
Step Three: Get Going
Much like Christmas Day itself, it’s important to spend more time preparing than actually eating. Although, how long you can drag out the meal itself is a pretty good metric of success too. Decorate the table, chop things and leave them in piles, make a plan for timings.
This year we started prepping and faffing at about 2pm, and sat down to eat at 7.30. The trick to this is having totally unnecessary eat-y bits to keep you going.
H made classic smoked salmon blinis with horseradish on top and A made devilled eggs:
Smoked salmon blinis
Blinis or toast with butter and then salmon (or smoked trout to be more sustainable!!) and a dollop of horseradish
The smoked salmon blinis were obviously delicious, but the devilled eggs got the most attention as 3 out of 4 of us had never had them before. We are now totally hooked (which is important context for when you read Part 3 about our new years eve party…)
Devilled eggs
Hard boil eggs, peel and cut in half. Scoop egg yolks into a bowl and add mayonaise, dijon mustard, salt and pepper, smoked paprika and prawns. Mix up until smooth and yummy. Plop back into the egg yolk holes
Now onto the mains…
Roast Chicken
H followed Ella Risbridger’s Midnight Chicken and it was superb
Having royally fucked up the roast potatoes last year (I thought I could just “work it out”) to the point where they were totally black (but still yummy-ish and still gained praise - though this says more about how overly supportive my housemates are), this year I was put on the mashed parsnips and brussel sprouts. I can’t remember exactly what I did but here’s a rough idea:
Parsnip mash:
I roasted the parsnips first with oil, salt and garlic because I wanted that roast-y flavour
Then I boiled them in some oat milk a bit more until tender
Then I blended them with a load of parsley stalks and stirred in more thinly chopped parsley leaves
Brussel sprout salad:
I thinly grated brussel sprouts into a dish and squeezed a load of lime on top and squished it all together a bit with my hands
Then I drizzled sesame oil over the top and bashed a pomegranate’s seeds on top so it tasted sort of sharp and sweet with a nice nutty undertone
This year, B was on the roast potatoes. Unsurprisingly, quite opposite to last year, they were absolutely the best I have ever had
Roast potatoes:
B is not here to give me his top tips!! Might have to post later via instagram. But seriously these were the real deal. Crispy and chewy and fluffy in perfect measure…
At the last minute, A had a strange idea that was enthusiastically welcomed. As if our meal wasn’t excessive enough he suggested that he make some prawn toast as as a starter. Obviously the right move. They were SO delicious. Hot and ASMR-crispy and indulgent. Like the perfect drunk food (which was actually ideal because we’d already had quite a few cosmos before we sat down).
Step Four: Eat
As Derek Walcott says, Sit. Feast on your life.
Talk about how good each bite is. Talk about how much you love eachother. Talk about eachother’s years - all the hard bits and good bits that you’ve seen eachother through. Bathe in your lovely friendships. Smile at eachother.
Step Five: Compete
Put all of that aside and get out the Monopoly board. Fight for your life. Become filthy uncaring capitalists and mafia dons. Gaslight. Gatekeep. Girlboss. Every so often get up and dance. Get out the cheese and eat it aggressively as you barter. Be sure you deserve to win and furious when you don’t. The game might last til 3am. Let it. As long as you have more cosmos and wine.